I’m from summer lake vacations
campfires and s’mores at night.
From chlorine cakes and nail polish peaches.
Apple picking and crunching leaves on the way to school,
playing catch for hours.
I’m from windmill cookies dunked in Grandma’s coffee,
from rope swinging and grilling in the alley.
Black and white movies, and Legos on rainy days.
Italian swears and songs I can still hear,
jacks or better and the penny game.
From blanket forts and pillow fights,
and Come Back Inn’s trail of peanuts and popcorn.
From homemade meatballs and gravy, not sauce.
Long road trips and obnoxious singing from the backseat,
antique store parking lots with a good book.
I’m from bike rides down “The Speedway,”
dark dirt-stained blood and torn sliding pads.
From hot afternoons on the marching field,
To cheering at the cold night games
and lips sticking to frozen mouthpieces.
I’m from long drives
and longer phone conversations.
The move from one crowded suburb to another.
24-7 and groups of girls to talk about life and faith with,
hoping and praying for tomorrow.
Ok I just left you a really long comment and then it didn't work so let's try it again. First thing I have to say is...do you think peaches smell like nail polish too?!? I have always thought this and nobody agrees with me...maybe I'm wrong and you don't think this haha but I just had to ask.
ReplyDeleteI thought your poem was awesome!! I could almost picture each situation you were describing. The words you chose were great and provided the reader with a sense of what you were talking about. The one suggestion I have is in the line where you say "from long drives and longer phone ocnversations" to maybe use more descriptive words for this. Something like, "from drives down Highway 30 and I-94" (or whatever works in your situation) and "racking up minutes on last month's phone bill". These examples aren't great, but you get the idea. I think doing more showing and less telling in this phrase would really add to your poem.
Great job though and I hope this suggestion helps! :)
Amanda
You did great on this, Leah! I agree that each stanza has vivid pictures the reader can see, which helps the reader to follow the poem. You word the stanza's well, in that they have a clear picture of what is being described, yet the reader can tell there is a story behind each line. Even I can relate to some of your stanzas and know the feeling you are trying to describe. And from reading your poem, it sounds like you are creating a timeframe. Meaning the beginning starts out as a young girl and the ending is present day. Maybe I am totally off on that, but reading it I can see a timeframe being created. Great job!
ReplyDeleteRachel Heck
Leah,
ReplyDeleteI thought that your poem was great! I really liked how you were able to word each stanza in a way that made the reader picture the memory in their mind, at least I tried to picture it! I also thought that your organization of each stanza was very unique and much different from what I did but I think it works well and flows nicely! I think that using more descriptive words when explaining each memore would make this poem even richer and more powerful, but I loved reading it and thought you did a great job!
Katie